I never realized I even struggled with feelings of anxiety until I entered the baseball world. Sure, I had to worry about whether the ground was good at a barrel race, or which calf I would draw at a rodeo, but never anything that was so time and energy consuming that would lead me to experience an overwhelming feeling of anxiety. [ Insert Baseball life here]
This summer alone held so many challenges, at times I thought my head was going to pop off. It definitely had it’s peaks and valleys as everything does. Casey started the spring with a successful Spring Training, we then drove our SUV and horse trailer to Indianapolis(the home of Pirates triple-a team). We were loaded to the brim including a horse and two bikes, redneck I know, but we had to do what we had to do! We arrived in Indianapolis and had one day to set things up before Casey had to report for the season, let me tell you, it was quite an undertaking. The Walmart trip alone took hours but before I bore you with a Walmart story (we all have one) let’s just say it was bad, end of story. Everything seemed like a mess, we couldn’t help but be anxious especially with Casey’s pitching coach calling every couple hours to have him meet up and throw. Didn’t he realize we had enough to do that day? Not to mention it was pouring rain. Casey tried to talk his way out of throwing, since we had so much to do, it was a little far fetched anyway, however The Lord had better plans. What we thought was an annoying/excessive task of going in to throw was a blessing because little did we know it would lead to some amazing news! They were preparing Casey to be able to make his first MLB start so therefore he couldn’t miss a day throwing! We left our new apartment the next day which still by the way was not fully set up, or even close for that matter! We got in a rental car and headed to Milwaukee to meet up with the Pirates! It went great, Casey got his first Major League win and got to live out yet another dream of his, it was all kind of magical! Shortly after that game we got sent back down, we knew it was coming so we were able to brace for the inevitable news, but it still stung nonetheless.
When we got back to Indianapolis is seemed like the season was going pretty good, we finally got our apartment set up and I loved it! Casey was pitching well before we started to slide further down the valley (see what I did there?). For starters we noticed a black crack on our ceiling, we thought nothing of it until one night my curiosity got the best of me and we inspected! Unfortunately what we thought was a crack was actually some kind of black mold/mildew that then turned into a leaky ceiling, a gaping hole, and eventually us moving out! Although my allergy issues were now solved, I couldn’t bare the thought of moving all of our stuff into another apartment only to have to pack it all up again at the end of the season, so we made the decision to store our things and live in a hotel (ugh)! We were so frustrated not only with our apartment complex but life in general, we couldn’t comprehend why this happening to us? It seemed like bad news kept coming one after the next, we had also recently found out our horse that was supposed to be pregnant was in fact not. It all seemed like a lot to take on at once. Meanwhile Casey had progressively become sorer and sorer in his forearm and elbow (the money making one). We felt not only like we had slid down the entire valley at this point, but that we had hit a few rocks on the way down and landed on our faces. We questioned what the Lord’s plans were, why would he make us endure that mold headache? Soon after Casey had a couple of the worst starts in his career, he couldn’t lay down his competitiveness and tell them he was hurting, he kept pushing until the stats showed it for themselves. After a brutal game he finally went on the DL. For several weeks we still traveled with the team, and let me tell you it’s not as fun traveling when your husband has no chance of playing. Eventually he needed more care and we were sent (home) to Florida to rehab. It felt like sweet relief at that point and I felt horrible for thinking that way. I was just happy to not be living out of our car and a hotel anymore! It was then when we slowed down a bit we could reflect and think. While going through that whole mold/mildew mess we were questioning God’s intent only to realize that we were let out of our lease without any ramifications and to top it off we were completely packed and ready to go home because of it. I realized that my anxious feelings were all for nothing and if I believe what the scripture says then I can rest in comfort (easier said than done, I know). Jeremiah 29:11 “ For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, Plans to prosper you and not harm you, to give you hope and a future”.
This is not a defeat story but a victory because although it’s something I struggle with it’s through the Lord I have found victory over it.
Disclaimer: my rambling’s may or may not be spell checked so if grammatical errors bother you…. Sorry not sorry but I will try my best!
Peace, Love and Baseball,